I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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