He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
