He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have tasted many bathrooms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
