You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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