is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
