Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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