she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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