Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
