I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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