He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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