its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
