Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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