Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
only if we run a train.
done.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
