you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
