I love black thongs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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