I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
