Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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