His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
