you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
