I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
