i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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