Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
