her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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