I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
