Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
