The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
