remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
