she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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