took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
