She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
