I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
