Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
