If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found the puke drawer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
