Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
