Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
