My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
