I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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