I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
