I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
