im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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