I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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