my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
