There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
