Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
