Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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