She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
