I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
