Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
