she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
