We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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