I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
