Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
