Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
