Pappa wants mamma naked
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
